For You,
I'm sorry. Two words i failed to tell you when it still mattered. I love you. Three words i didnt say when it was still relevant.
I woke up today praying for God to take me. Begging Him to take the pain away. Killing myself is not an option but I wish He'd just take my heart out of chest when its time to wake up. Sleeping is not an escape for me as even my dreams hurt me seeing you with another girl and chosing to move on away from me. The nightmare continues even when i open my eyes seeing your messages asking me to move away as i'm complicating things with her. Ouch...is all i can say. How can i make you believe I wont hurt you anymore if you chose to go back to me? How can i make you feel my love? Why cant you feel the sincerity in words?
My heart is in a kind of pain i never imagined can be felt. I left you and thats the biggest regret I'll have in my entire life. I will carry that burden till my heart stops screaming to get you back. I was so sure that we will end up together and willing to risk us to prepare for our future. I dont knnow what moronic idea entered my mind that if we are not together I'll be able to fix things we should've done years ago. I'm sorry for hurting you first, for not being there when you needed me most. God knows I'll do everything now just to make you feel my love and convince you that I will never hurt you again. I can buy you all the thinigs money can buy, give you all the time my life has, even go to the ends of the earth to do what you want me to. But I know its too late.
You chose her . You chose to break my heart, hurt my feelings as you know that doing otherwise will hurt her. I hope someday you find it in your heart to forgive me, I never intended to leave you and hurt the one i love more than my life. If only I can turn back time I will make sure you are loved the way you deserved. But its too late now, you said dont lose hope but everyday you spend nnot with me kills every bit of me. If I continue clinging on to that shard of hope I will end up numb. A person not capable of love or any feeling and emotion known to man and God. I love you and as I said I will only eat Fried chicken forever. I will not try to love if it wont be you.
My strength is my weakness as you said you chose to hurt me 'cause I'm stronger and she's vulnerable. Thats no excuse to kill me every second by stabbing my heart and draining all the happiness in me. I know I'll be able to move on somehow but you will be the best I never had. Till then i will be a black hole...sucking all the happiness around me all beacuse I cant be happy.
Thanks for all the love and hurt its helping me realize my worth to other people though it dont compare to the worth i want to come from you, at least I know that there are people who believe I'll smile again someday as I am worth loving.
Someday we'll see each other again. Look back to our days and accept. Till then I'd like to cling to the hope you gave me and painfully live each second until the pain numbs. I'll still give you all i am and all i have without asking for anything.
I love you. I am sorry.
