Broken hearted letter

For You,

I'm sorry. Two words i failed to tell you when it still mattered. I love you. Three words i didnt say when it was still relevant.

I woke up today praying for God to take me. Begging Him to take the pain away. Killing myself is not an option but I wish He'd just take my heart out of chest when its time to wake up. Sleeping is not an escape for me as even my dreams hurt me seeing you with another girl and chosing to move on away from me. The nightmare continues even when i open my eyes seeing your messages asking me to move away as i'm complicating things with her. Ouch...is all i can say. How can i make you believe I wont hurt you anymore if you chose to go back to me? How can i make you feel my love? Why cant you feel the sincerity in words?

My heart is in a kind of pain i never imagined can be felt. I left you and thats the biggest regret I'll have in my entire life. I will carry that burden till my heart stops screaming to get you back. I was so sure that we will end up together and willing to risk us to prepare for our future. I dont knnow what moronic idea entered my mind that if we are not together I'll be able to fix things we should've done years ago. I'm sorry for hurting you first, for not being there when you needed me most. God knows I'll do everything now just to make you feel my love and convince you that I will never hurt you again. I can buy you all the thinigs money can buy, give you all the time my life has, even go to the ends of the earth to do what you want me to. But I know its too late.

You chose her . You chose to break my heart, hurt my feelings as you know that doing otherwise will hurt her. I hope someday you find it in your heart to forgive me, I never intended to leave you and hurt the one i love more than my life. If only I can turn back time I will make sure you are loved the way you deserved. But its too late now, you said dont lose hope but everyday you spend nnot with me kills every bit of me. If I continue clinging on to that shard of hope I will end up numb. A person not capable of love or any feeling and emotion known to man and God. I love you and as I said I will only eat Fried chicken forever. I will not try to love if it wont be you.

My strength is my weakness as you said you chose to hurt me 'cause I'm stronger and she's vulnerable. Thats no excuse to kill me every second by stabbing my heart and draining all the happiness in me. I know I'll be able to move on somehow but you will be the best I never had. Till then i will be a black hole...sucking all the happiness around me all beacuse I cant be happy.

Thanks for all the love and hurt its helping me realize my worth to other people though it dont compare to the worth i want to come from you, at least I know that there are people who believe I'll smile again someday as I am worth loving.

Someday we'll see each other again.  Look back to our days and accept. Till then I'd like to cling to the hope you gave me and painfully live each second until the pain numbs. I'll still give you all i am and all i have without asking for anything.

I love you. I am sorry.

The one who left hurts too

Letting go is such a hard task. It shouldn't be especially if you were the one who left. The society brands the one who gave up as a mean and cold hearted person but it is us, who hurt most. As we felt the absence of love first, searched our whole being to look for it, did everything to bring back the intensity of the love that may just be forgotten but can still be remembered, tried all there is to salvage what was left like a doctor reviving a dead patient. It is us who got hurt first and will carry it longer as we will be the ones saying what if? ...what if i didn't end it? What if i didn't give up? Did i really did everything to save us? These questions will haunt our dreams for life especially if the love that was lost was intense, special and perfect. You will say deal with the pain as its you who decided this. But look into this further and you;ll see how hurt we were that you let us leave. You say you felt abandoned, I felt that while we were still together so go figure out how that made me feel.  You said I gave up. I've been trying to hold on and doing my best to bring back the love we felt and how intense it was. Each day I would remind you of how it felt before, I try and do the things we did in the past but none of them stitched the love that was falling apart. You ask me if I'm happy now, you expect me to say yes so i did.

 I'm not saying we have more right to be hurt or that your pain is less. All this is, is just to say i tried my best to get it back, revive the love that was dead, rescue the feelings.

We left because we loved the people we love so much and it hurt us to see that there is nothing left and in the end it is us who would think back and question our own decision if it was right and if we really did everything we can. Regret will eat us for a long time. But the love wont go without pain. If the one left will mourn the love lost for a year, imagine how long the one who left felt it. We felt it long before we left and will mourn the same length after. Twice as much but still aint enough as we see how we hurt you so it doubles, and then add the agony of the actual break up. Telling you that i cant go on anymore, that im giving up, that i dont feelthe connection anymore that it wont work. And you'll ask another chance wherein i'll have to gather the courage to say no. Seeing your pain and knowing that i gave it...breaks me.

I'm not happy and i wont lie. I still love you but we cant be together anymore. You'll be happier without me. I made the decision for us as we will just end up hurting each other in ways unforgivable. So goodbye and dont ever "say are you happy now?".