The one who left hurts too

Letting go is such a hard task. It shouldn't be especially if you were the one who left. The society brands the one who gave up as a mean and cold hearted person but it is us, who hurt most. As we felt the absence of love first, searched our whole being to look for it, did everything to bring back the intensity of the love that may just be forgotten but can still be remembered, tried all there is to salvage what was left like a doctor reviving a dead patient. It is us who got hurt first and will carry it longer as we will be the ones saying what if? ...what if i didn't end it? What if i didn't give up? Did i really did everything to save us? These questions will haunt our dreams for life especially if the love that was lost was intense, special and perfect. You will say deal with the pain as its you who decided this. But look into this further and you;ll see how hurt we were that you let us leave. You say you felt abandoned, I felt that while we were still together so go figure out how that made me feel.  You said I gave up. I've been trying to hold on and doing my best to bring back the love we felt and how intense it was. Each day I would remind you of how it felt before, I try and do the things we did in the past but none of them stitched the love that was falling apart. You ask me if I'm happy now, you expect me to say yes so i did.

 I'm not saying we have more right to be hurt or that your pain is less. All this is, is just to say i tried my best to get it back, revive the love that was dead, rescue the feelings.

We left because we loved the people we love so much and it hurt us to see that there is nothing left and in the end it is us who would think back and question our own decision if it was right and if we really did everything we can. Regret will eat us for a long time. But the love wont go without pain. If the one left will mourn the love lost for a year, imagine how long the one who left felt it. We felt it long before we left and will mourn the same length after. Twice as much but still aint enough as we see how we hurt you so it doubles, and then add the agony of the actual break up. Telling you that i cant go on anymore, that im giving up, that i dont feelthe connection anymore that it wont work. And you'll ask another chance wherein i'll have to gather the courage to say no. Seeing your pain and knowing that i gave it...breaks me.

I'm not happy and i wont lie. I still love you but we cant be together anymore. You'll be happier without me. I made the decision for us as we will just end up hurting each other in ways unforgivable. So goodbye and dont ever "say are you happy now?".